Okay, sports fans! Time for Brian’s blog (see what I did there, both words being with B’s? Cool? Okay, okay never mind!
Just like with my show – it’s okay if you DON’T like it – not everyone has good taste.
Anyway, I’m picking up on the topic of last month’s blog –
For those who didn’t read it, that topic was “Wouldn’t it be great if (list of impossible things) existed?”
NO, I’m not out of ideas – Com’on, Brian Schneider, out of ideas? That would be about as likely as being able to build your retirement income on trading Bitcoins.
I’m returning to the impossible …”stuff”.., meme because every once in a while, I worry about my fellow Americans and their gullibility.
Today’s discussion may break a few hearts, and probably stir up a WHOLE of conspiracy theory/ancient aliens groupies, but, what the hey?
Here it is: Folks, badly out of focus photos taken in obscure places like Moosejaw, Alabama and even those VERY expensive movies, comic books and TV shows, folks, there are some things that need to be said, even if they hurt. (It IS a hard knocks life, right?)
So, here it is – there are any number of magical, mythical things that we all wish existed, OK? But, trust me – THEY DON’T!
Unicorns! Freaking Unicorns appeal to lots of different people (mostly little girls under 10 and spinster ladies who crochet doilies. Yeah, okay – they are kinda cute, but folks – they DON’T exist in spite of all the pompous hoo hah in the world (and large Irish guys and girls who will kick your butt for saying so – AIN’T NO UNICORNS! Period.
Fountain of Youth. If this existed, Hillary Clinton would look like Scarlett Johansen – after all, money can get you ANYTHING. Right ? The best justice cash can buy, a presidential pardon, a luxury box at the Super Bowl, maybe even a spot on Jimmy Fallon, or –for lots, on MY show!
With all the Lidar and drones and goofy guys doing reality shows about finding stuff, if it were real, it would have been found LONG ago. So, another reliable disappointment – NOT REAL!
(Thank God, because Just think about having the same people around forever – doing 35 on the freeway, wearing die-dye daily – OMG!)
ALIENS are a LONG-Running TV series, they dominate YouTube with REALLY bad cell phone footage, but how come they only land in forests?
Anybody who ever flew on a plane KNOWS that forests are really Not good places to land ANYTHING, even a small drone. So, you’re telling me that beings that bend time and space are going to land there or crash in the desert near a “secret” base? Oh, PLEASE!
So, don’t buy the hype on these things! There are lots of totally cool REAL things that are a lot more fun – Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and leprechauns, stick with reality!
Just like I do,
